Hi all! If you are new here, you might not know that I am a recovering alcoholic. This is something that took me a long time to come to terms with and be able to say. But I think this is something that needs to become more normalized and less judged. A lot of people struggle with addiction and struggle to get help for it or even realize that they are an addict. I thought that telling my story might be helpful to some people, or at least I hope it will.
How it started:
When I was in the height of my addiction, in was controlled by the substance. Alcohol was my escape and I physically and mentally needed it to get through each day. It didn’t begin like this though. I started drinking casually in college, and I felt like I became part of the crowd by drinking wine and watching my shows, going out and partying, and going to clubs. It slowly started changing into something more. Drinking once a week turned into drinking every day. Drinking with friends turned into drinking by myself with my dog. It got to the point where the only thing getting me through the day was looking forward to being at home by myself and drinking alone. However, I wasn’t happy. The drinking was fueling my depression and anxiety, not helping me cope with it like I said it did.
My recovery:
My recovery process started when I had a breakdown one day at work and realized I couldn’t live like this anymore. I couldn’t keep waking up and not remembering the night before. I couldn’t keep going to work and throwing up because I was hungover. Something had to change. I didn’t want to stop drinking, but I knew I needed to do something. I started a recovery and therapy program for the main purpose of helping my depression and anxiety. One of the rules for the program I learned was that each patient must try to abstain from all substances. I figured it was worth a try, if only while I was in the program. Before I knew it, I was graduating the program and 30 days sober. Don’t get me wrong. Every single one of those days was a struggle. For most of the beginning of my sobriety, I slept all the time so that I wouldn’t think about drinking. I had no hobbies. Drinking was my hobby. I had to completely change my mindset and my lifestyle to quit drinking for good. My family and friends and boyfriend are the only reason I made it through those first 30 days especially, and the main reason I’ve made it to 9 months sober as of yesterday. My boyfriend sat with me each night when I would cry and try to convince myself to not go and buy alcohol. He would watch movies with me and talk to me to try to distract me from drinking. Slowly (very slowly), it got easier. I started to think about alcohol a little bit less each day.
What I’ve learned:
Throughout this process, I’ve learned my strength. I’ve also learned to lean on those around me. I can be an independent woman and still receive help from others. I’ve learned that life is still fun while sober. It’s actually so much better. It’s an amazing feeling to not black out anymore and to not wake up worrying about what I did or who I hurt the night before. I remember life now and I experience fun times clearly.
I want others to know that it’s possible, and it’s worth it. This comes from a girl who never would think or admit that she had a problem, much less that she is an alcoholic. This comes from a girl who would drink two bottles of wine a night and wake up feeling more depressed than ever. Life feels more like something I want to live now. Every day is not perfect, and I still struggle, but each day gets a little bit easier. Sobriety is so hard, but it’s so worth it.
I don’t know if any of you will relate to my story, but I felt like it is a story worth sharing. If it makes a difference for even one person, then my journey is worth it.
